11/2009 ~ Thanksgiving 2009

11/26/09

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time for families to get together and give thanks. But for me, it only brings disappointment and heartache. I tell myself to not let the actions of my children affect me, but they do. I have six children in three states.

This Thanksgiving, my kids decided to all get together, with the exception of Rachel who live on the other side of the country, but they didn't tell me about it. They didn't invite me. They didn't tell me that they were getting together and would have invited me, but didn't because their mother was there. Nothing. Sometimes they make me feel like I'm even part of the family. I feel more like a distant uncle. Someone they have an obligation to see now and then, but there is really no relationship.

I think Lindsey has tried to keep a good relationship with me, but she didn't say anything about inviting me to the 'family reunion'. I called Lindsey on Wednesday and wished her a happy Thanksgiving. She said she was at Trevor's so I asked to talk to him, but he wasn't there. I asked to talk to Becca and wished her a happy Thanksgiving. But neither one of them told me that April was there at the time, or offer to let me talk to her.

Lindsey and Scott went upstate to see Scott's parents on Thanksgiving day, but couldn't stop by to see us on the way up, so I wonder.

Summerlee told me a few days ahead of time that she was coming for Thanksgiving, from out of state, and the first words she said was that they had to spend time with Jon's family and with Trevor's family so that the kids could play together, but she wanted to stop by so I could take their family photos. Oh, and to see me. Yet she didn't call on Thanksgiving either.

Trevor didn't call me back, nor did he call me on Thanksgiving. He didn't bring the kids up, nor did he invite me to see his kids on Thanksgiving. When I called him for his birthday in December, he said "Sorry I didn't call you on Thanksgiving, but everything was so busy..." Yea, and everyday since then too, I suppose.

I called April, but got no answer on her cell phone. So I called Shawn at home. He told me that April was at Trevor's. So I called Lindsey back and asked her if there was any reason why April didn't want to talk to me. She said no. She said that she always felt it was up to the person visiting to call, not the person who was already there. Which made no sense to me. April wasn't visiting me. I called and talked to everyone everyone else. I would think they could have told me that April was there and ask if I wanted to talk. I would have thought that April would have said, "let me talk to Dad", as the phone was being passed around.

A half hour after talking to Lindsey, April called. She sounded very defensive, so I didn't ask any questions about why she did't want to talk to me, or about the problems she is having with Shawn. It was a strained conversation. I invited her to come up and have her photos taken when Summer comes on Saturday, and she said she will think about it. Translated - no, I'm not going to come see you.

I was finally able to talk to Thayne. He said he was going to stop by today on his way back to Logan, but I doubt he will show up.

On past occasions when my kids all get together, they have made Deanna and I feel left out. I suppose this comes from the divorce and my not being able to raise them, or even see them for fifteen years (more on that later), and all the lies and falsehoods that their mother has told them about me. After the divorce the relationship with my kids, except Rachel, has been strained. Bottom line I was hurt once again. Rachel was the only one who called me on Thanksgiving - even after I called her the day before. None of the other kids bothered. So not only was I unable to see any of my kids for Thanksgiving, even the three that live instate, nor from the two that are visiting, I didn't even get a call from them - except Rachel.

I wish I could explain how hurt and disappointed I feel. I try to build up walls so they can't hurt me. But then they do something to make me think that everything is good between us, only to get hurt again later on. Over and over again. Then again once more.

11/29/09
As predicted, Thayne didn't stop by on his way home. No call, no explanation, nothing. As usual, he was not true to his word.

April didn't come for photos, or to see me either. I don't think she will. She cheated on her husband, left him and the kids, and wanted to hook up with a married man, and have him break up his family as well. Given how much those same actions by her mother, hurt her when she was young, it is very difficult to understand why she would repeat the same type of behavior. Why she is having an affair with a married man, why she doesn't see that it won't work out, and why she can't see the pain it is causing to those around her.

Summerlee did come for photos. They were late. They called at 1:00 saying they were on their way. They were about 30 minutes away. That's when she told me that they had to be back for Jon's brother's son's baptism at 3:00. Because of expected traffic to the BYU - Utah game, getting back to the baptism was going to take them longer than normal. They would only have 30 minutes for a two hour photo session. Needless to say, they didn't come to see me. But at least it's good to know that I'm good for someething.

Summer's defense - it's just so hectic when they come. They have to see her family, and his family, and they are always rushed. The way I see it, it's a matter of priorities. Her priority is to spend time with everyone else, and then to have me take their family photos. In the last 4 previous visits from her to Utah, she didn't have time to see us even once. The reason she wants family photos this visit is because she says she feels left out because I took family photos for Lindsey. I also take Halloween pictures for Trevor's kids, but Becca has someone else take their family photos.

Bottom line - most of my kids hurt me, rather than make me feel good.

08/2009 ~ Another Annoying Angiogram

I was walking the dogs one day and noticed a pain in my left shoulder. I was not too happy about this because it was the same pain that I felt just prior to my heart attack. The pain went away after I got home, and since I didn't feel it every day, I wasn't too worried about it. After all I had just gone through open heart surgery where the gave me some 'new' arteries.

After a week or so, when the pain kept coming back, even when I was taking the dogs for runs with my bike, I decided to call the doctor. So I called Dr. Kent,, who was the heart doctor I was seeing at the time. I wasn't able to get in touch with him, but I did talk to his PA (Physician's Assistant), and he ordered a Thallium Stress Test for me.

A Thallium Stress Test is a procedure that lets the doctors see pictures of your heart while you are resting and again shortly after you have exercised, or in my case, after they gave me a drug that simulates exercise by putting stress on the heart. They gave me an injection instead of having me run on a tread mill, because my heart rate is so low, that it takes too long, and I get too tired, before I can increase my heart rate to a level they need to take the test. The pictures give the doctors detailed information about how well your heart pumps blood. By comparing the pictures of the heart at rest, next to pictures of the heart during stress, they can tell how much blood flow reaches every area of the heart, and can detect any damage or dead muscle.

In a normal Thallium Stress Test, they hook you up to a dozen or more electrodes, then have you run on a tread mill to get your heart to beat at a certain rate. Once your heart reaches that rate, they give you an injection of a radio active substance. You need to keep exercising for a short period of time (3 minutes in my case). After this part of the test, they take you into a room that holds a gamma-ray camera, used to take the pictures. You lie on a table in the camera surrounds you as it takes multiple images.

Then you move to another room where you rest for a few hours. Then you repeat the process, but without the exercise. So when you are done, they have pictures of your heart during stress, and during normal activity.

The gamma-rays from the camera pick up traces of the radioactive material as it goes through the heart. By looking at these pictures, the doctors can see the healthy arteries, indicated by the radioactive traces, and the damaged parts by the lack of radioactive traces.

In my case, I am not able to run on the tread mill long enough to get my heart rate up high enough for the test. So they give me an injection to simulate heart stress. Much easier since my normal resting heart rate is so low to begin with.

So I went in for the test, which was the fifth or sixth time I have taken this test. After they take the last pictures, the techs read the test and decide if they need to call in a doctor. So when I was done tech said that I could go home and the doctors would let me know. I was almost out the door, and almost out of the building when the tech comes running out and tells me that I have to wait to have a doctor talk to me about the results. I knew right then that something was wrong.

After about an hour I was finally able to see the doctor. He said the he saw some things in the pictures that concerned him, and combined with my symptoms he recommended that I have an angiogram to determine what, if any, damage had been done to my heart.

09/2009

A couple of days later I went in for my fifth angiogram. Deanna took me to the hospital, and it was like Deja vu all over again. To my horror I had the same nurse that I had when I had my open heart bypass surgery. The reason I say horror was because she had a hard time giving me an IV. Now, let me tell you about my veins. You can see my veins from the opposite end zone on a football field. You could see the veins in my arms if you were legally blind. Whenever I am in a teaching hospital, I always get the phlebotomist students that need practice. So when a nurse has to stick me three times and still not be able to draw blood, it's a little annoying. The last time she tried, my wife took over after the first attempt. Of course she had no problem. But this time, Deanna was at work. I toyed with the idea of asking for another nurse, but I gave her one try. It wasn't pretty, but she got it in the first time.

Dr. James did the operation this time. Every time I have an operation, I tell the doctors that the anesthesia that I get always wear off fast, so make sure you give me plenty. I have woken up before in the middle of an operation, and it's not fun. Another doctor did the procedure, and I was still half awake. I told him that I could feel it and that it hurt, but he just told me that I shouldn't be feeling anything. I insisted that it was hurting, so they gave me more - enough to put me out. This time I remember going to the operating room, getting on the table, and watching them give me my happy medicine. The next thing I remember I was in the recovery room.

They moved me to a regular room later, and Deanna was there soon after. She said that when Dr. James called her at work, he told her that I had two occlusions on the new grafts that were put in place a few months earlier. She didn't hear anything after that. So when she got to the hospital, Dr. James came in and told us that while I did have a couple of occlusions, my heart was fine, and getting enough blood, and that my heart was not causing the pain in my back shoulder. He said that one of the grafts never took hold, and that the other one that was occluded never was a large one, and that while it was partially blocked, I was still getting enough blood from the other veins. He told us that he did not know why I was having the pain, but that it was not from my heart. I scheduled a follow-up appointment three weeks later, and we discussed medication. I am going to stay on my Plavix, Coumadin, and Aspirin to keep my blood thin and prevent any clotting until my next appointment in three months.

04/2003 ~ Chemo Therapy Diaries

Friday, April 04, 2003

Lump mass removed from neck by Dr. Jon

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

Dr. Jon called me on the phone while I was at work, and informed me that the pathology report was positive for level 1 non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

Friday, April 11, 2003

I had my first appointment with Dr. Wendy. She did a bone marrow biopsy and ordered a CAT scan.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

First Chemo / Rituxan / Prednisone treatment. No side effects, other than being drowsy from the Benadryl they gave me. Only took 3.5 hours, instead of the 5 – 6 they said it might take.

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

I had a CAT scan done at the hospital.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

Still no side effects. I played three games of racquetball and felt fine. Felt a little tired and achy. I was only able to play two games of racquetball before getting wiped out. It turned out that I had picked up the flu from Ann. Ached all over, tired, upset stomach, etc.

Friday, April 18, 2003

I felt really bad in the morning. Achy all over, slight stomach upset, and tired. I wanted to go home from work, but had too much work that needed to be done. Felt better in the afternoon.

Saturday, April 19, 2003

I still felt bad. Achy all over, slight stomach upset, and tired. I ended up working from home for 6 hours.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

I felt a little better, but not much. I was able to attend Church. We had all the kids up for Easter dinner. I got tired, but it wasn’t bad.

Monday, April 21, 2003

I felt great. The flu was gone, and I felt really good. I noticed a little tingling on the tips of my thumbs and index fingers. My throat felt painful – not like a sore throat, but rather how it might feel after a sore throat. Hurt a little to swallow. Got results back from the CAT scan – all clear. Bone marrow biopsy was also clear. No traces of the cancer spreading.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

I had a hard time sleeping. I was up at 2:00 am and was working on the computer. I got a call at 3:00 am from a user in Johannesburg. They had some email problems that I had to fix. I ended up going into work for the whole day. I called Dr. Wendyr's office and told them about my fingers and throat. I went in to the office for blood work. The results were good. I had an appointment with Dr. Mike to talk about a natural holistic diet. I practiced racquetball and played a doubles game. I was tired, but I think it was from being up since 2:00 am.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Nothing to report.

Thursday, April 24, 2003

I had hard time sleeping again. I took some Tylenol PM to sleep. I didn’t get to sleep until after 3:30 am. I felt tired in the morning, but I felt better as the day went on. I felt bloated, but think it was from my high dosages of Prednisone. Today is the last day of the high dosage. I still have the tingling in my fingers and my throat is still slightly sore. I got tired as the day wore on. But after 4:00 PM I felt better. Practiced racquetball and had a lesson. Played couple of short games afterwards. Got a call from work and had to come back in. Didn’t get home until after 2:00 am.

Friday, April 25, 2003

Tired from being up so late. More problems at work. Finally got them fixed. Upset stomach – feels empty, even after eating. Pills didn’t take mild pain away this time, like they have before. Fingers feeling tingly further down, especially index finger and thumb.

Saturday, April 26, 2003

Felt pretty good. Did some work in the yard, repairing sprinklers and getting them ready for summer. First sign of hemorrhoids. Noticed that bruises on my arm and hand are lasting a long time.

Sunday, April 27, 2003

Tired in the morning. Felt better in afternoon. Had to work on a major crisis at work. Hair began falling out. I could pull out clumps at a time. Had our neighbor Stacey cut it real short.

Monday, April 28, 2003

Major crisis at work. Felt pretty good in general.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

Shaved my head. Short hairs were falling on the back of my neck and collar and it was really irritating. Developed a little sore on my lip. Lips always dry. Mouth is dry sometimes, but not too bad.

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Felling good. Did a little yard work. Felt normal. Crisis at work is over.

Thursday, May 01, 2003

Felt really good. Played three games of racquetball, and wasn’t as tired as I have been before. Mouth starting to get more dry.

Friday, May 02, 2003

Still feeling good. Got some lip balm which helps a lot.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

Sunday, May 04, 2003

Facial hair starting to fall out. It was getting all over me, and down my neck, so I shaved off the beard.

Monday, May 05, 2003

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

Second Chemo treatment. Took 5.5 hours this time. Different nurse, and the drips are manually controlled. The Benedryl made me tired again. Came home and slept most of the day.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

Played racquetball with Scott; more of a practice than a real game. Didn’t sleep much – if any – at all. Too much sleep during the day.

Friday, May 09, 2003

Played racquetball – cutthroat. Didn’t do too bad, but lost.

Saturday, May 10, 2003

Food tastes really different. Even water tastes different. Even more so than before. Noticing a little difference in the my fingers. Still feel funny, but not quite as much so.

Sunday, May 11, 2003

Hard time sleeping.

Monday, May 12, 2003

Played racquetball with Deanna – got a little winded. Starting to notice a lack on energy.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Played racquetball before Deanna’s lesson from the club instructor. Got really tired. Hard time catching my breath. Only lasted 10 minutes. Had a runny nose.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Starting to get a cold. More tired, probably due to cold.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Tried to come home early, but ended up working late. Started couching, really bad. Had to sleep in other room so I wouldn’t keep Ann awake. Took Tussionex (cough syrup), and Loratab.

Friday, May 16, 2003

Worked from home. Worked half hour, then slept half hour. Worked, then slept, etc. Went in to work later, but felt really bad. Took Tussionex and Loratab in order to sleep. Deanna said I was wheezing all night.

Saturday, May 17, 2003

Coughing really bad in the morning. Went to emergency room. Said I may have pneumonia, but because my white blood count was so low, it wouldn’t show up on x-ray. Started me on anti-biotic.

Sunday, May 18, 2003

Stayed home and slept most of the day.

Monday, May 19, 2003

Went to work. Tired, but felt better than Saturday or Sunday.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Hard time sleeping. Still coughing. Take Tussionex and Tylenol at bedtime.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Same.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Still tired, but had to work till 11:00 pm.

Friday, May 23, 2003

Tired, and coughing. Boss sent me home early (9:00 pm) because I was coughing so much.

Saturday, May 24, 2003

Felt pretty good. Went to work for a little bit then shopping. Worked in the yard a little.

Sunday, May 25, 2003

Felt good until around 2:00 pm. Then I got real tired. Had to lay down and take a nap. No energy.

Monday, May 26, 2003

Worked in the yard in the morning. Got real, real tired. Had to quit and come in and take a 2 hr. nap at about 1:00 pm. Had to take another at about 6:30 pm. Just no energy. My foot hurts. I think it’s Gout. It comes and goes. If it continues I usually take an extra Allopurinol.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Foot hurts more now. Swollen. Worst pain ever during the night. Had to crawl to get some pain pills, but they didn’t take all the pain away. Foot was swollen, red, and hot on the top of my foot.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Third Chemo treatment. Only had 25 MG of Benadryl instead of 50. Much better. Didn’t get as tired. Dr. Wendy looked at my foot and ordered an x-ray. She said that the prednisone should help. After the treatment my foot felt much better. I can actually put weight on it.

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Pain in foot was worse in the morning. Had to use crutches. It seems that the prednisone didn’t help much. But later on in the day I was able to hobble around without them, but it was still sore. Worked on the trailer and picked up some trees with Troy.

Friday, May 30, 2003

Pain in foot even more painful this morning. Cancelled campout with Trevor and Jordan. Called Dr. Richard. He said he didn’t think it could be gout because I have been taking Allopurinol. He said I should get my foot x-rayed, so I did. It was not broken. Picked up herbal remedy for Gout – Tart Cherry Concentrate. Tried some. It seemed to work in a couple of hours. Had Dr. L call in an order for anti-inflammatory in case the Cherry medicine didn’t work. Started taking Coral Calcium for the cancer. Supposed to lower the ph level and prevent and help cure cancer. Skeptical, but I’ll try it.

Saturday, May 31, 2003

Pain in foot worse in the morning again. Prednisone, Allopurinol, and Cherry medicine has not helped. Still managed to hobble out (with crutch), and help kids pick weeds. Picked up Vioxx from Drug Store because pain was not going away. Took Cherry medicine again also. Pain again felt better in the late afternoon evening. Foot still sore, but I could hobble on it.

Sunday, June 01, 2003

Pain again in the morning. Crutches again for about two hours, then I could hobble. But later in the day, I could put my shoes on and it wasn’t too bad. The pain has moved from the top to the side, and it isn’t swollen any more.

Monday, June 02, 2003

Relatively little pain in my foot – especially for a morning. I think I’ve finally turned the corner. No effects from the Chemo, other than my hair, finger tips, and taste. But my finger tips are gradually getting the feeling back, or rather the tingling is going away – very gradually.

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

Foot was worse this morning. Still not bad, but worse than yesterday. Took both Cherry Juice and Vioxx.

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

No pain in my foot at all. Back to normal. Only took Vioxx. No other problems. Feel good. Catching up with work at work, and working in the yard when I come home.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

Same as yesterday. Cutting down on red meat in diet. Trying to eat more salads and yogurt.

Friday, June 06, 2003

No problems. Feeling normal.

Saturday, June 07, 2003

Got tired doing little things in the yard. Not able to do as much, as fast as I would like to have done.

Sunday, June 08, 2003

Got headache and had to lay down. Felt worn out.

Monday, June 09, 2003

11 Year Anniversary of Kidney transplant! Went to work, even though I felt tired. Was going to leave at 3:00, but stayed till 5:00.

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

After work I emptied the trailer at the dump. Completely wore me out. Head felt like I was standing on it. When I would bend over, my eye hurt – like when you eat something cold too fast and like when you got water up your nose – both at the same time. Came home from the dump and slept for two hours.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Had my blood work done. WBC was 1.9, RBC was 3.29, and HCT was 30.9. Got a Neupogen shot for the WBC. Went to work, but just felt very, very tired.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Feeling better. Had another Neupogen shot today.

Friday, June 13, 2003

Had another Neupgen shot. Feeling OK, just tired and can never get rid of this cold.

Saturday, June 14, 2003

Went to the hospital for another Neupogen shot. Felt pretty good. Had neighbors come and help take down the old fence to get ready for the new fence. They also help widen one of the paths on the hill in the back yard. I was able to help a little, but got tired fast.

Sunday, June 15, 2003

Relaxed day. Felt OK, but then I wasn’t doing anything remotely physical.

Monday, June 16, 2003

Felt good. Best I have in a long time. Trevor came over after work and we put gravel down on the path in the back.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Fourth and last chemo treatment. My WBC was at 20, which really surprised Dr. Wendy. She said that I really did well on the Neupogen. She was expecting the WBC to go up, but not that much. Last time I had Neupalast. It was a long lasting shot for 10 days. The Neupgen is the same thing, only smaller doses that you are supposed to take for 10 days. The problem was that most patients didn’t take it for 10 days, so the drug company made one do the same thing in one day, and cost 10 times as much. Treatment went fine. Slept most of the day. Felt fine afterwards.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Felt fine. Still ever present cold. Still unable to sleep through the night. But already starting to feel more tired.

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Doing well. Tired, but OK. Was able to set up some sprinklers for the new trees, but wasn’t able to finish fixing all the others that needed it.

Friday, June 20, 2003

I’m writing this early in the morning because, once again I couldn’t sleep through the night. I think the ever present cold might have something to do with it.

Saturday, June 21, 2003

Tried to move and fix some sprinklers in the morning. Very easy stuff. But it wore me completely out, down to the bone. Couldn’t do anything the rest of the day. Missed a leadership meeting.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

Still tired from yesterday. Didn’t do much. Didn’t go anyway. Stayed home from Church. Had to work late Sunday night to fix email problem in China.

Monday, June 23, 2003

Worked from home. Really tired. Work / sleep / work / sleep etc. But I got a lot of work done. Ann kicked me out of the bedroom because my coughing was keeping her up all night. Can't get rid of it. I don't sleep very well, not just because of the cough, but just can't relax.

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Started off with a phone call from work early in the morning. Started working and didn’t take a break till after 1:00. Then finished rest of cleanup projects. Felt a little better, but only because I never left my chair. Still coughing, running nose.

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Went to work in the morning, but couldn’t handle it. I got hot and sweaty, then cold, then hot, and always tired. Came home at 1:00 and took a nap. Then worked from home to get my work done.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

Worked a full day at the office. Felt OK, but took several naps at my chair. Got a lot of work done.

Friday, June 27, 2003

Worked a little from home, but already had 40 hours in before the day started. I think I worked so much that now I can’t do anything else. I still feel run down, but sitting at a desk doesn't wear me out, so I was able to work from home and not feel too bad. I meet with Dr Robert for the first time. Had an appointment, and minor examine. He said everything looks good as far as treatment goes. He is going to give me some time to recover, they start the radiation on July.

Saturday, June 28, 2003

This last week was the worse since I started Chemo. I felt better today - even mowed, trimmed, and fertilized the lawn. But that's all I could do. I still have a bad cough. Still sleeping in other bedroom. Still taking Tylenol PM, and Tussenix, and Antivan. But it doesn't seem to help.

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Coughed all night long, even with taking Tussinex, Tylenol PM, and Antivan. Just couldn't stop coughing - laying down, sitting in the recliner, sitting up - still kept coughing. So now, not only do I feel run down, but I am tired also.

Monday, June 30, 2003

Same as yesterday.

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

Same as yesterday. Stayed home from work.

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Stayed home from work. Had my Blood work done again. The WBC was higher, but still low. My RBC and Hmg were the same - low. That accounts for my feeling so run down still, but and why I'm having such a hard time getting rid of this cough.

Thursday, July 03, 2003

Had the worst night yet last night. I think the NyQuil is what is keeping me awake. Then I feel tired and run down the rest of the day. I was finally able to get some sleep at about 6:00 AM, for about a half hour. Was able to take a couple of short naps. Went to Bingham Copper mines - it was a vacation day. Ann drove and I didn't do much.

Friday, July 04, 2003

Was able to sleep most of the last night. Cough only woke me up three or four times. Worked in the garage, which wore me out by the end of the day, even though I didn't do anything strenuous.

Saturday, July 05, 2003

Went on a day trip. Just sat in the car most of the day. I was feeling better, but still coughing. Noticed that my neck gland, under my jaw was swollen.

Sunday, July 06, 2003

Had a restful day.

Monday, July 07, 2003

I was able to go back to work, and work a full day without getting tired. Still coughing at night, but not as much. More than Ann would like, but not enough to keep us awake all night.

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Worked a full day at the office. Felt OK, but took several naps at my chair. Got a lot of work done.

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Same as yesterday

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Same as yesterday

Friday, July 11, 2003

Same as yesterday

Saturday, July 12, 2003

Mowed the lawn and did a little yard work in the morning. Came in and rested between projects. Feeling good, but still get tired if I do any strenuous work. Lump in neck getting larger.

Sunday, July 13, 2003

Still feeling good.

12/2008 ~ Quadruple Open Heart Bypass

These are the emails that my dear Deanna sent to family while I was in the hospital:

Date: 12/10/08

Hello Everyone! Merry Christmas!

Lee went into the hospital yesterday. After we had been there six hours they finally started the medicine that the Dr. wanted him to have before his surgery. It's an IV drip medication. It was kind of frustrating to be there for over 24 hours and not have anything done. But they made up for it today. He went to x-ray for a chest film. He had another EKG done. He had an ultrasound of his carotid arteries. He spoke with a dietician, respiratory therapist, and the nurse. The nurse gave him a demonstration of what his surgery will entail. Then the surgeon came in and talked with him some more. He got his legs shaved so that they could operate in a clean environment (when they take the blood vessels from his leg to put them in his heart. He also had an enjoyable visit from his son Trevor, and his grandchildren Jordan and Addie who also had the demonstration of the heart operation from the nurse. The Jordan said it was weird. The only person that Lee has not talked with yet is the anesthesiologist. So I think he is ready for tomorrow, or as ready as he can be to undertake by-pass surgery.

I really want to thank everyone that has called or e-mailed. We have a wonderful family and friends that support and love us. WE appreciate you all. I will send updates daily. We love you all!

Date: 12/11/08

Well, it has been a very long day. I arrived at the hospital about 9:45. Lee went into surgery at 1:55 about an hour later than we were told. They called me about 4 pm to let me know that he was on the heart-lung machine and they were going to start the by-pass surgery. I got a phone call at 6:30 from the nurse in the OR letting me know that Lee was off the heart-lung machine and that they were going to start to close. She also informed me that Lee had requested pictures, which they gladly accommodated him with. The nurse brought them out to me and told me that the surgery went very well. I then started to call the kids to let them know that everything was all right because I knew they would be worried and concerned. The surgeon came out about 8:00 and talked with me. They did a quadruple by-pass instead of a triple. The surgeon again told me that everything went really well. Dr. Jones also told me that he spoke with Lee's kidney doctor to let him know how things went and received some orders from Dr. Lambert so they can protect his kidney. Before the surgeon came out, the nurse from the ICU came out to the waiting area, introduced himself and talked with me, prepared me for the tubes and equipment that I would see. At 9:15 I got tired of waiting and called in to the ICU to see if I could see Lee. He was still on the ventilator but they want to get him off in 7 hours or less. He was getting medicine for his kidney, insulin because it helps to prevent hospital acquired infections, and an antibiotic, and I can't remember what else. He had a couple more bags of fluid hanging by his bedside. He has a Swan-Ghantz catheter in his neck to monitor fluids and heart pressure, he has a Arterial line in to monitor blood pressure. He has a catheter so they can monitor urine output. He has chest-tubes in, Rachel - remember those? Lee will have the chest tubes for a couple of days. They want him to wake up ASAP. I asked the nurse if he could hear me and he said probably. So I talked with him and he started moving his head, but his eyes were still closed. I stayed about 20 minutes and then came home. The nurse thought Lee would still be in the ICU by tomorrow afternoon, so I am planning on going up around noon.

I will continue to keep you posted unless you tell me otherwise. We appreciate all the love and concern that has been expressed and the many prayers offered in our behalf. Thank you all!

Date: 12/12/08

Wow, what a difference a few hours makes. When I got to the hospital at noon, Lee was sitting in a chair at his bedside eating lunch. He was making a good effort at eating a full liquid diet, but he didn't eat much. They had him sit up in the chair for an hour. They switched him from a Morphine pump to Dilaudid and that was keeping him more comfortable. He was very drowsy, but he was very comfortable too. At 2 pm they came in and told us that they had transfer orders, but we would have to wait for a bed to become available. Lee started using his incentive spirometer to help him expand his lungs and he did really well with that too. At 4 pm they started to disconnect some of his monitors and then they were told that the bed went to an ER patient, so we waited. At around 5:30 they came in, removed the Swan-Ghantz catheter from his neck, they removed the arterial line from his arm. They removed the room EKG monitor and hooked up the portable monitor. Then we were off to the races, a tortoise race. They wanted Lee to walk from his ICU bed to his new room. He kept up a slow and steady pace, but HE DID IT! He was awesome. He pushed a wheelchair to help with his balance, and the wheelchair was available if he needed to sit down. He is doing so well, I am amazed. He really surprises me with how much he can tolerate and withstand. In the transfer he missed his dinner tray but they brought him some soup and Jell-O and he ate it all.

I don't know what the plan is going to be. It was easy before~~come in for IV medication for two days prior to surgery, have surgery, go to ICU, leave ICU and go to the thoracic floor. Done, now what! I'm sure they will get him up walking more, advance his diet as tolerated, get him off the pain pump to oral medications and then discharge to home.

Lee has had some real wonderful nurses and care providers. So far, it has been a pleasant stay. I just hope he keeps improving like he has been.

Thank you again for all your concern and prayers. I'll keep you all posted on how he is doing. Love to you all!

Date: 12/13/08

Hello Everyone!

Lee called early this morning and startled me out of a very deep sleep. In fact I hit the alarm on my radio before I realized it was the phone. He told me he didn't have a very good night and he wanted me to come to the hospital. I quickly showered and left. When I got there, he was doing better he said. I'm not sure exactly what happened but he was having a hard time breathing and then a hard time getting comfortable. He has gained over 10 lbs in fluid and that may have contributed to the breathing difficulty, they also repositioned him in bed and the chest tubes where causing a lot of discomfort, and therefore contributed to breathing difficulty.

Lee was sitting up in bed when I arrived. He had finished his breakfast. The nurse was trying to get a medication from the pharmacy for him. One of the nephrologists came in to check on him. Lee told the Dr. that he thought the fluid buildup was causing the breathing problems, and asked if he could have some Lasix - a diuretic to remove fluid from the body. It took about an hour and a half to get the Lasix drip going. I think Lee had about 700 cc of liquid out within an hour after they started the Lasix.

His lunch came, he ate really well. The nurse came in to change his dressings. They took the ace wrap off his left leg where they removed the graft vein. I thought Lee was just going to have two incisions in his leg, one on each end of the vein to be grafted. But there were about five little incisions going down his leg from about an inch above his knee to about three inches above his ankle. The dressing on his chest was next to be changed. The chest incision looked really good, she did not put another dressing on the steri-strips. She then took the dressing off from the chest-tubes and redressed them. She wrapped a Vaseline gauze around the base of the chest-tubes where they were inserted and said that was to keep air from getting in. She then put some gauze over the Vaseline-coated ones and taped them down. Then she put the pacer wires on top of the gauze and taped them down too.

Scott and Lindsey came with the kids. Little Avery was quite concerned about Grandpa and was really happy to see him. I am glad that today he had some good coloring so it didn't concern the kids. They made get-well cards for grandpa and brought them to the hospital. Avery got to watch grandpa get a insulin shot, and I showed all the kids Grandpa's Owie. It was so good to see them and I know Lee was very happy that they came.

I just called Lee to see how he is doing. He had a bed bath, and he said that felt good. Cardiac rehab got him up walking in the hall. He walked 225 feet, the therapist told Lee he did really well. He had a regular dinner tray ~ steak, mashed potatoes, carrots. He said it tasted good. He said he was feeling ok. I will go up tomorrow about 10-11:00.

I came home after Scott and Lindsey left. I crawled into bed, and was snuggled by "the girls". I slept for four hours. I guess it is all catching up to me now. I am so relieved that Lee is doing so well after the surgery and that he is out of the ICU. I told Lee yesterday when I saw him sitting up in the chair in the ICU that I was glad I was his wife. He said "What do you mean?" Then I told him that I was glad I wasn't his widow. We have been blessed! I know the blessing that Scott and Trevor gave him, and all the prayers offered in our behalf have blessed us. My husband is amazingly strong and I am so thankful that he is. Those trials of dialysis has strengthened him to be able to tolerate the trial of cancer and its treatment, and this surgery and its recovery. Again we thank you for your love and concern. Love to you all!

Date: 12/14/08

Hello Everyone!

Lee had a pretty good day today. Sometime either during the night or very early this morning his heart rhythm changed from normal sinus rhythm to atrial fibrillation. I don't know what the significance of that is. Its been a long time since nursing school and I've not worked a lot with heart rhythms. But they did try to convert his rhythm by giving him some medication. They gave him a bolus of Amorodione and Lee did not tolerate it very well. It caused pain in his hips, chest, back. It took a while to get him comfortable again. By the time I got to the hospital he was doing much better. When I left he was still in atrial fib and still receiving the amorodione by IV.

Lee walked in the halls twice today. He still doesn't have much of a appetite but he is trying to eat. His meals actually look pretty good for hospital food. He had a dressing change again. He received some more Lasix and has really good urine output. He got out of bed and I gave him a bath, I can't call it a bed bath because he wasn't in bed, but he didn't sit in a tub either. He went for over two hours without using his pain pump. And he says he is feelnng good.

Lee had some visitors today. First, Trevor and Becca and the kids came. They looked at grandpa's owie too. Addie didn't like seeing the bloody drainage from the chest-tubes, but was fascinated by Grandpa's heart pictures even though she called them gross. Second, his niece Sarah and Jared came with Eli and Ava. Third, was his nephew Elliott and Julie and their girls. Lee was drowsy when they came and not very companionable, but I know he appreciates the visits and the concern expressed.

Lee has had the same nurse now for two days in a row. That has been very nice because she knows us and his history and we don't have to keep repeating it. She will probably take care of him again tomorrow. She explained to us that they will take his chest tubes out when his drainage is below 200 cc for the day. Today it was 220, so he's getting pretty close. She said that next to be removed would be the Foley catheter. The last to be removed would be the heart pacing wires. We're still hoping that Tuesday will be the day he is discharged. I can't think of a more appropriate birthday present than to have him home.

Hope you all are doing well and that you are all ready for Christmas. Take Care!

Date: 12/15/08

Boy oh boy, what a great day Lee had today! He loved his breakfast, Belgian Waffles. He had a good walk in the hall. The respiratory therapist said she didn't need to check on him any more because he was doing so well with his incentive spirometer. They removed his chest-tubes. Gosh those things where huge and long! They switched him from IV pain medication to oral pain medication. He is still on the amorodione, but they took him to the cath lab and did a synchronized cardiac conversion, so now he is in normal sinus rhythm. While he was medicated for the cardiac conversion, they removed his foley catheter. So he had a great day.

He had a couple of visitors today and because he isn't on the pain pump he was a lot more alert. I still do not know when they are going to let him come home. I was hoping it would be tomorrow, but no one has said anything. The nephrologist still comes in every day. He says that Lee's kidney is doing well. That was a big concern when we started this process, keeping that functioning well. But everything is looking great.

I still can't believe how well Lee has done. Only today did he mention that he had felt a little discomfort in his sternum. He has not complained of any discomfort in his leg where they removed the graft. I hope he does as well at home. We are concerned about the dogs. They are going to be so excited to see him, and we don't want them jumping on him. Shadow's excitement I am sure, will be elevated 100 decibels. Already my ears are hurting.

We had a little more snow today. It looks so pretty when it is fresh, but I still hate driving in it. Hope you and yours are all doing well. Love to you all!

Date: 12/16/08

Hello again!

I am not going to the hospital today. It is snowing, so I'm going to clean up around here.

Lee called. His surgeon came in this morning. They are going to remove the pacer wires. He is still in normal sinus rhythm and doing well that way. Urine output is good. His hematocrit is low, they are going to give him two units of blood today. And the big news is that he will be discharged on Thursday.

I'm going to go to work tomorrow, that will be my only shift this week. I won't go to work again until next Tuesday.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Take Care!

Date: 12/17/08

Well, I think this will probably be the last e-mail that I send about Lee and his surgery. He will be coming home tomorrow! I stopped by to see him after I got off work today. His dinner arrived while I was there. Again it looked pretty good for hospital food. Then the nurse came in and started talking to him about his medications. He is so ready to come home, and I am so ready to have him home.

Thank you all for your visits, your calls and your e-mails. It means a lot to Lee and me that you would take the time to write or visit. We love you all and wish you all a Merry Christmas and a healthful New Year!

Date: 12/18/08

He's Home! He's Home!

We got home about 4:45. I was all set to get him this morning, but he was not feeling good. Apparently they give some medication that is really long lasting while they are in the operating room. They neglected to inform us of that and that it would be wearing off. So Lee experienced more pain this morning than he has the entire previous week. So it is under control now, we know that the pain is normal, and we know that he will feel this off and on.

Just thought I would let you all know that he is home now. Take Care Everyone and Merry Christmas!

12/31/08

This is an email I sent out to family and friends after my operation.

Hi everyone,

As many of you already know, I had open heart surgery last week. Deanna sent out emails on a daily basis to many of you, but in looking at the list of people she sent email to, some were omitted because she didn’t have an email address, or she didn’t know would be interested in receiving them. But it wasn’t because you weren’t important. So I have attached a word document (Lee’s Heart Operation), which includes all the emails that she sent, giving the day by day updates. If you haven’t read them, now’s your chance - you can get all the gory details. Which got me thinking – who cares about the details? I would, so I am guessing that some of you may also want to know more about this operation. I think it is just fascinating that I go see a doctor because I get tired walking the dogs, and I end up having my chest split open, put on a heart lung machine, have my heart stopped, having veins cut from my leg and attached to my heart, then get sewed back up again. But hey – that’s just me. Yet telling this story would be pointless if it was nothing more than trying to elicit some sort of feeling from you. Therefore, I am including some advice as I tell this story.

___________________________________________

I am home now and feeling much, better. I am still sore, tired and weak, but at least I’m comfortable at home, and I have the best in-home nurse you could ask for. I get tired very easily, I’m on a lot of drugs so I feel like I’m walking in a light fog, and I feel like I have a 20 lb weight pressing down on my chest all the time, even when I stand up. I feel like I am in slow motion all the time. But believe me, I am better than I what I was. I’m still not as well as before I went into the hospital, but I am better than when I left.

Here are just a few details…

Symptoms: (in case you were interested, these are not included in Deanna’s updates). I started feeling tired while walking the dogs, or trying to hike to get some good photos. The tiredness just kept getting worse and worse. Not heart pains, but just shortness of breath. I could still do everything I used to be able to do, but I just got tired sooner. Not a big deal. But - I made an appointment with a cardiologist just to be sure. In fact, I made the appointment just to make sure there was nothing wrong so that I could try to build up my endurance, even if I felt pain. And as the saying goes: No Pain – No Glory.

Advice: Don’t be afraid of getting a checkup for the smallest of symptoms. I have had three angioplasties, and all three were as a result of not know what was wrong, but just feeling that things weren’t right. Same thing happened this time, only the remedy was a little different than expected. So don’t wait until you have a heart attack before you get heart symptoms checked out. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you, and get a second opinion.

Tests: They did a Thallium Stress Test to see how well my heart pumped the blood through the heart. The test were negative – no problems. But I kept getting weaker and weaker. So I went back in and they did an angiogram, where they put a probe up the artery of your leg into the heart to see if there is any heart damage. They found some, so they inserted another (I already had four) stent, to keep the artery open. They were hoping that would solve the problem, but it didn’t. There were two other vessels that were blocked, but they couldn’t get to them. So three weeks later they did another angiogram. Before they did the procedure, they told me there probably wasn’t much they could do, and that I would just have to live with the shortness of breath, and change my lifestyle dramatically. After the angiogram they found another major vessel that was 70% blocked, so they didn’t fix anything this time, but rather told me that I would need to have open heart surgery.

Advice: Even if the tests come back negative, if you are still not feeling well, go back and have another checkup. This was the hardest part for me. I had just been to the doctor. They had run all the tests, and the tests said I was fine. But I didn’t feel better. When I finally did go back, I talked to the doctor some more about it and he said that the tests are only indicators, and are wrong about 10% of the time. But given a person’s health history, genetics, and symptoms those tests can be overridden and a more accurate, albeit more expensive test can be done. This is why I had the first angiogram – to verify that there was or wasn’t a problem. Even after that angiogram, and the resulting angioplasty, they were unable to ‘fix’ two small arteries. They were hoping that by fixing the large one I would be better. Once again, I wasn’t so I went back again. I don’t know what I was hoping for, I just knew that there was still something wrong. Bottom line – don’t give up. Stay in touch with the doctors. Go back again and again until you find a solution.

Operation: They ended up doing a Quadruple Coronary Artery Bypass Graft open heart surgery. Basically they cut my chest open through the sternum, spread my ribs apart with a rib spreader, then hooked me up to a heart and lung machine, stopped the heart, took some veins from my leg and connected them to the heart’s artery and bypassed the blockage points and attached the vein the heart chamber that needed more blood flow. Then they started my heart again, took me off the heart lung machine, attached my chest together with bailing wire, sewed me up, and I was done. Deanna’s logs will let you know the details after this point.

Advice: Be aware of what they are doing and why. They will tell you everything they are doing and why. Talk to the nurses and the doctors about what is going on. I had several occasions to disagree with my treatment simply because I know my body better than they do. I won’t bore you with the detail (ha, ha), but on one occasion I insisted on having some Lasix (a diuretic water pill to eliminate water). The Physician’s Assistant tried to tell me that water gain was common on this type of operation and that I didn’t really need it. I told him that I had it as part of my daily medications, and that I was having a hard time breathing because of the extra water. He finally relented and I got the relief that I needed. The next day we had to go through the same thing. When I asked him for some more, his comment was, “Looks like you have a fixation for Lasix so I guess we can give you some”. RUDE! After that I didn’t need them, and I didn’t ask for them. But don’t let them intimidate you. At the same time you need to listen to the doctors and reasoning behind what they are doing. After my little run in with the PA, I had a good talk with my Nephrologist / Internist. He was able to listen and explain much better and became my source of well being and for knowing what was really going on.

I guess a successful outcome comes down to three words: Talk, Listen, and Communicate. You can do one, two, or all three. Both you and the doctors have to do all three.

Recovery: I can’t lift anything heavy (more than a few pounds), or drive for 6 weeks. What I can do, and what they encourage me to do is to walk. They say it will take 2 – 4 months before I am back to normal, which will be really nice since I’ve never been normal before.

I have included some pictures if you are interested. Warning: They are very graphic. Some are from inside the operating room, some are from Deanna’s cell phone, and some are from Deanna’s camera. I was going to put them on a slide show, but then you would have to see all or none, so I am just attaching them with a description so you can decide if you want to view them.

There you have it. I hope you have learned something. Let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts, prayers, cards, and flowers. It is very helpful to know that there are people who care!

10/2009 ~ Editorial: Health Care

I read an article, actually a series of articles, in our local newspaper and was quite impressed with the unbiased writing. The author gave both sides and talked about how it affects different groups of people. I wrote this letter to the author of the column:

Thank you for your in depth, unbiased, and informative article. But you missed one problem in our current health care system that I have not yet seen addressed at any level. Perhaps you can refer to the problems that I face in future articles.

Summary: I am unable to purchase any type of health or life insurance. I have been denied a job, or laid off of my job 5 times because of my health condition - not my ability to work, but because if I did work, I would have to be covered by insurance, and it proved to be too expensive to keep me.

I was on kidney dialysis for 10 years. I have had two kidney transplants, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (cancer), complete with chemo and radiation treatments, 4 angiograms/angioplasty with a total of 5 stints, Basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer), a heart attack, quadruple open heart bypass operation, and degenerative disc disease. I take 23 prescribed pills a day, very expensive pills, and I see a specialist at least every 3 months, sometimes 3 or 4 specialists. I don't know what my actual costs are, but without insurance, I would not be able to afford them.

I want to point out to those who think that the only reason people get sick is because they don't take care of themselves, that when I was first diagnosed with my kidney problem, I was 17 and on my high school wrestling and track team.

Because I was only 17 when I was diagnosed with kidney problems, there has never been in my life when I was eligible for insurance. So don't say (critics of heath care reform), that I just chose not to be insured.

Here is the long version:

When I was 17 years old I applied for a summer job Sears. As part of the application process I had to take a physical exam. When the results came back, they told me that I would not be able to work for them because I did not pass their physical exam. This came as a complete shock to me because I was in great health, and was on my high school wrestling and track team. They said that because I had albumin (blood) in my urine, that I could not be covered by their insurance plan. My diagnosis - glomerulonyphritis (chronic kidney failure).

That was in the late 1960's.

After high school, and an LDS mission, I went to BYU. One of my instructors liked my work and offered me a job at the BYU Graphics department. They too required a physical. I did not pass this physical either. So they said that I could work for them, but as a contract laborer. Translation - no insurance and no benefits, but the same salary as if I were a full time employee with benefits.

That was in the early 1970's

It wasn't until I was 33 that I ever had any symptoms of my kidney problem. I was hiking to the top of Mt. Hood in Oregon, and felt really weak. What I thought was altitude sickness was actually End Stage Renal Failure. The next week I was on a dialysis machine, 4-5 hours a week, 3 days a week, for the next 10 years. I was unable to work not because I was unable to work, but because nobody would hire me while I was still on dialysis.

As a side note, it wasn't until 1972 that the "government and its well-known inefficiencies and inequities, " * and socialized medicine covered kidney dialysis. Before then, if you didn't have current insurance, or extremely rich, you were told that you would have to go home and die. My doctor told me that the hardest part of his job was to tell patients that they had the ability to save their lives, but because they didn't have the right insurance, or because they weren't rich, they would have to die.

Which is one of the reasons that it really gauls me when people complain about how bad a government run health option would be. And when they complain about how bad Medicare and Medicaid are, yet they defend the insurance companies. Medicare may have its faults, but then so does any company of its size and scope. Do they also complain about government run schools and universities, government run roads, highways and transportation, government run postal system, and government run courts and legal system?

Some who complain do so saying that it will cost too much. But there are many studies (spelled out on the PBS program that talks about how our personal health is directly related to our personal wealth), state that it actually costs more not to have health care for everyone.

And yet those same people never once question how much the war in Iraq (our search for weapons of mass destruction) costs, or the eight year war in Afghanistan costs, and what the benefits of the war is. If we just want to help oppressed people, there are many other countries that have dictators who are killing and harming their citizens, why don't we help them also?

But I digress. Back to my story...

Finally, after 8 years on dialysis, I was able to find a job. A close friend owned a company, Jenkon Data Systems, and knew of my condition, and knew of my education and background, and offered me a job. It was great for the first year and a half. But then I was called into the accountant's office and she asked me all kinds of questions about dialysis, and the cost of medicine, and the cost of a transplant. The next week I was laid off. Two weeks earlier I had a review by my manager. He told me that I had the best review in the company and received the highest raise. Yet they still laid me, and only me, off.

That was in the late 1980's

In 1992 I received my second transplant. I received my first transplant from my sister in 1982. The kidney was a perfect match and they told me I had a 95% chance of keeping it. I had the transplant on December 26th. The next day our house burned down. My wife and six children were staying at my wife's parents house so no one was hurt. Two months later we moved back into the house and my wife informed me that she was in love with my oldest son's Sunday School teacher, and wanted d divorce. I was kicked out of the house, (we were renting from her parents). So there I was - no money, no work, and no place to live. I eventually found a place to live, but the stress of the divorce caused me to lose my kidney and I had to go back on dialysis.

My next experience with being laid off related to health insurance coverage was with Fidelity Investments. I had worked for them for about two years. They had a companywide lay-off. I was included in the lay-off. Not too unusual, except for these facts... There were 10 people on our 'group'. I was the only one laid off, yet I had the most experience, had better manager reviews, had more industry related licenses, worked more overtime, and had the most training of anyone else in my group. Yet I was laid off, and those who had written reprimands, less education , less experience, and worse manager's reviews were not laid off. Also, a key point - the decision about who to lay off came from the corporate office, not my manager. The corporate office didn't just tell the local management, or my manager, that they had to cut so many people. They told them to cut me. Why, out of thousands of employees did they single me out?

That was in the early 1990's

My last experience with health insurance was with Achieve Global. I had worked for them for 10 years, and survived at least 10 different layoffs. So it was a real surprise when I was called into my manager's office and he told me that corporate had told him that he had to lay me off. But is shouldn't have been such a surprise. The company had recently be purchased by another company. They wanted to streamline costs, so I was laid off. Again, they didn't tell my manager that he had to lay off one person in his division. They told him to lay me off.

That was in 2006

I am 60 years old. I wasn't able to find work in the computer field, at my age, so I became self employed like Jeff Hein. The only difference is that I am not as talented and have yet to make even a modest living being self employed. I am lucky in that my wife works. I still fear that my health issues may cause her to lose her job, but that is less likely because she is a Registered Nurse with 30 years experience, and has a Union behind her.

The reason I am telling you this is that hopefully you can bring to people's attention that as long as companies are required to insure everyone, those who prove to be too expensive to their insurance plans risk being laid off. In the last company I worked for, there were some other people who had survived cancer - but not layoffs.

It would be really interesting to see how many of the people who get laid off have some history of medical problems or would otherwise be unable to purchase insurance. If I were to find work at a small company, with only a few employees, that company's insurance rates would go up the next time that they were renewed. Either that, or everyone else's insurance would increase dramatically. Check it out and you will find that it is true.

I have been silent during this recent health care debate because I firmly believe that nothing that I say will make a difference. The insurance companies spend too much money contributing to the lawmakers campains (spelled correctly), in essence buying their votes. I hear a lot of talk about ethics reform concerning gifts given to lawmakers, but very little about their access to the legislators. If there is ever any doubt about what the lobbyists money can buy, just try to have lunch, one on one with your US senator. It's not going to happen - unless you contribute thousands of dollars to their campain. I tried - I called Senator Bennett's office to see if I could meet with him about health care. I was told that someone would call me, but surprise, surprise - no one did. Do you think that if I contributed $250,000 to his campaign he would meet with me?

I've often wondered why someone would spend millions of dollars of his own money, for a job that pays less than $200,000. Do you think it could be power, influence, prestige? Those are all nice and good, but what they really get back in return is money. Campaign money they can spend how they want, money and gifts from lobbyists, and a great job with great pay when they leave office.

So, since I can't talk to my elected representatives, I was hoping that you could at least bring to people's attention, that not only are many people unable to buy insurance, but that we are also being laid off from jobs because we have health issues. If you filled out an application for work, after being unemployed for 10 years while I as on dialysis, what would you put down for your work history for those 10 years? Remember, you have to account for every month - you can't just leave it blank. What you put down is reflective as to whether or not your health history is a factor. If you put down you were on dialysis for the last 10 years and unable to work, you believe past health history is not a factor and you believe you still have a chance to be hired, and you are also naive. If you put down that you were self-employed, (salary not revealed), you believe that your health history does play a big part in whether or not you get the job.

I hope you can do something with this information. I have thought about writing in and Readers Forum, but then people would dismiss me as a... well you know.

I can give you more details to verify my story if you need them. I purposely named the companies involved because I am telling the truth, and know that they won't sue me for false statements, and that if they did, I would win. I have seen an attorney regarding being laid on two different occasions. The story is all the same. Since I am not a minority, or a woman, I cannot sue for discrimination. I could sue for them letting me go because of my health, but the only amount that I could recover would be the amount of wages lost, until I got a new job. Not enough for them to spend their time on my case.

* Anonymous | comment on your article.

I never heard back from the anyone at the newspaper.