Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time for families to get together and give thanks. But for me, it only brings disappointment and heartache. I tell myself to not let the actions of my children affect me, but they do. I have six children in three states.
This Thanksgiving, my kids decided to all get together, with the exception of Rachel who live on the other side of the country, but they didn't tell me about it. They didn't invite me. They didn't tell me that they were getting together and would have invited me, but didn't because their mother was there. Nothing. Sometimes they make me feel like I'm even part of the family. I feel more like a distant uncle. Someone they have an obligation to see now and then, but there is really no relationship.
I think Lindsey has tried to keep a good relationship with me, but she didn't say anything about inviting me to the 'family reunion'. I called Lindsey on Wednesday and wished her a happy Thanksgiving. She said she was at Trevor's so I asked to talk to him, but he wasn't there. I asked to talk to Becca and wished her a happy Thanksgiving. But neither one of them told me that April was there at the time, or offer to let me talk to her.
This Thanksgiving, my kids decided to all get together, with the exception of Rachel who live on the other side of the country, but they didn't tell me about it. They didn't invite me. They didn't tell me that they were getting together and would have invited me, but didn't because their mother was there. Nothing. Sometimes they make me feel like I'm even part of the family. I feel more like a distant uncle. Someone they have an obligation to see now and then, but there is really no relationship.
I think Lindsey has tried to keep a good relationship with me, but she didn't say anything about inviting me to the 'family reunion'. I called Lindsey on Wednesday and wished her a happy Thanksgiving. She said she was at Trevor's so I asked to talk to him, but he wasn't there. I asked to talk to Becca and wished her a happy Thanksgiving. But neither one of them told me that April was there at the time, or offer to let me talk to her.
Lindsey and Scott went upstate to see Scott's parents on Thanksgiving day, but couldn't stop by to see us on the way up, so I wonder.
Summerlee told me a few days ahead of time that she was coming for Thanksgiving, from out of state, and the first words she said was that they had to spend time with Jon's family and with Trevor's family so that the kids could play together, but she wanted to stop by so I could take their family photos. Oh, and to see me. Yet she didn't call on Thanksgiving either.
Trevor didn't call me back, nor did he call me on Thanksgiving. He didn't bring the kids up, nor did he invite me to see his kids on Thanksgiving. When I called him for his birthday in December, he said "Sorry I didn't call you on Thanksgiving, but everything was so busy..." Yea, and everyday since then too, I suppose.
I called April, but got no answer on her cell phone. So I called Shawn at home. He told me that April was at Trevor's. So I called Lindsey back and asked her if there was any reason why April didn't want to talk to me. She said no. She said that she always felt it was up to the person visiting to call, not the person who was already there. Which made no sense to me. April wasn't visiting me. I called and talked to everyone everyone else. I would think they could have told me that April was there and ask if I wanted to talk. I would have thought that April would have said, "let me talk to Dad", as the phone was being passed around.
A half hour after talking to Lindsey, April called. She sounded very defensive, so I didn't ask any questions about why she did't want to talk to me, or about the problems she is having with Shawn. It was a strained conversation. I invited her to come up and have her photos taken when Summer comes on Saturday, and she said she will think about it. Translated - no, I'm not going to come see you.
I was finally able to talk to Thayne. He said he was going to stop by today on his way back to Logan, but I doubt he will show up.
On past occasions when my kids all get together, they have made Deanna and I feel left out. I suppose this comes from the divorce and my not being able to raise them, or even see them for fifteen years (more on that later), and all the lies and falsehoods that their mother has told them about me. After the divorce the relationship with my kids, except Rachel, has been strained. Bottom line I was hurt once again. Rachel was the only one who called me on Thanksgiving - even after I called her the day before. None of the other kids bothered. So not only was I unable to see any of my kids for Thanksgiving, even the three that live instate, nor from the two that are visiting, I didn't even get a call from them - except Rachel.
I wish I could explain how hurt and disappointed I feel. I try to build up walls so they can't hurt me. But then they do something to make me think that everything is good between us, only to get hurt again later on. Over and over again. Then again once more.
11/29/09
As predicted, Thayne didn't stop by on his way home. No call, no explanation, nothing. As usual, he was not true to his word.
April didn't come for photos, or to see me either. I don't think she will. She cheated on her husband, left him and the kids, and wanted to hook up with a married man, and have him break up his family as well. Given how much those same actions by her mother, hurt her when she was young, it is very difficult to understand why she would repeat the same type of behavior. Why she is having an affair with a married man, why she doesn't see that it won't work out, and why she can't see the pain it is causing to those around her.
Summerlee did come for photos. They were late. They called at 1:00 saying they were on their way. They were about 30 minutes away. That's when she told me that they had to be back for Jon's brother's son's baptism at 3:00. Because of expected traffic to the BYU - Utah game, getting back to the baptism was going to take them longer than normal. They would only have 30 minutes for a two hour photo session. Needless to say, they didn't come to see me. But at least it's good to know that I'm good for someething.
Summer's defense - it's just so hectic when they come. They have to see her family, and his family, and they are always rushed. The way I see it, it's a matter of priorities. Her priority is to spend time with everyone else, and then to have me take their family photos. In the last 4 previous visits from her to Utah, she didn't have time to see us even once. The reason she wants family photos this visit is because she says she feels left out because I took family photos for Lindsey. I also take Halloween pictures for Trevor's kids, but Becca has someone else take their family photos.
Bottom line - most of my kids hurt me, rather than make me feel good.
Summerlee told me a few days ahead of time that she was coming for Thanksgiving, from out of state, and the first words she said was that they had to spend time with Jon's family and with Trevor's family so that the kids could play together, but she wanted to stop by so I could take their family photos. Oh, and to see me. Yet she didn't call on Thanksgiving either.
Trevor didn't call me back, nor did he call me on Thanksgiving. He didn't bring the kids up, nor did he invite me to see his kids on Thanksgiving. When I called him for his birthday in December, he said "Sorry I didn't call you on Thanksgiving, but everything was so busy..." Yea, and everyday since then too, I suppose.
I called April, but got no answer on her cell phone. So I called Shawn at home. He told me that April was at Trevor's. So I called Lindsey back and asked her if there was any reason why April didn't want to talk to me. She said no. She said that she always felt it was up to the person visiting to call, not the person who was already there. Which made no sense to me. April wasn't visiting me. I called and talked to everyone everyone else. I would think they could have told me that April was there and ask if I wanted to talk. I would have thought that April would have said, "let me talk to Dad", as the phone was being passed around.
A half hour after talking to Lindsey, April called. She sounded very defensive, so I didn't ask any questions about why she did't want to talk to me, or about the problems she is having with Shawn. It was a strained conversation. I invited her to come up and have her photos taken when Summer comes on Saturday, and she said she will think about it. Translated - no, I'm not going to come see you.
I was finally able to talk to Thayne. He said he was going to stop by today on his way back to Logan, but I doubt he will show up.
On past occasions when my kids all get together, they have made Deanna and I feel left out. I suppose this comes from the divorce and my not being able to raise them, or even see them for fifteen years (more on that later), and all the lies and falsehoods that their mother has told them about me. After the divorce the relationship with my kids, except Rachel, has been strained. Bottom line I was hurt once again. Rachel was the only one who called me on Thanksgiving - even after I called her the day before. None of the other kids bothered. So not only was I unable to see any of my kids for Thanksgiving, even the three that live instate, nor from the two that are visiting, I didn't even get a call from them - except Rachel.
I wish I could explain how hurt and disappointed I feel. I try to build up walls so they can't hurt me. But then they do something to make me think that everything is good between us, only to get hurt again later on. Over and over again. Then again once more.
11/29/09
As predicted, Thayne didn't stop by on his way home. No call, no explanation, nothing. As usual, he was not true to his word.
April didn't come for photos, or to see me either. I don't think she will. She cheated on her husband, left him and the kids, and wanted to hook up with a married man, and have him break up his family as well. Given how much those same actions by her mother, hurt her when she was young, it is very difficult to understand why she would repeat the same type of behavior. Why she is having an affair with a married man, why she doesn't see that it won't work out, and why she can't see the pain it is causing to those around her.
Summerlee did come for photos. They were late. They called at 1:00 saying they were on their way. They were about 30 minutes away. That's when she told me that they had to be back for Jon's brother's son's baptism at 3:00. Because of expected traffic to the BYU - Utah game, getting back to the baptism was going to take them longer than normal. They would only have 30 minutes for a two hour photo session. Needless to say, they didn't come to see me. But at least it's good to know that I'm good for someething.
Summer's defense - it's just so hectic when they come. They have to see her family, and his family, and they are always rushed. The way I see it, it's a matter of priorities. Her priority is to spend time with everyone else, and then to have me take their family photos. In the last 4 previous visits from her to Utah, she didn't have time to see us even once. The reason she wants family photos this visit is because she says she feels left out because I took family photos for Lindsey. I also take Halloween pictures for Trevor's kids, but Becca has someone else take their family photos.
Bottom line - most of my kids hurt me, rather than make me feel good.
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